Conflicted
by slythatheart
Summary: Kurt wants to celebrate after his NYADA audition, but he can't help feeling guilty. Post "Choke" oneshot. Klaine with spoilers for Ep 3x18.


**Authors Note:** This is just a Klaine scene that I thought begged to be written after the events of "Choke". Rating is because of the insinuations though generally speaking this is quite tame. Thank you to SolariaLunar21 for looking over this for me. Please review - constructive criticism is always welcome!

**Disclaimer:** As much as I wish I owned Glee, its characters and plotlines are not mine, much to my disappointment.

* * *

**Conflicted**

Kurt felt absolutely terrible.

Although if he were to be honest, terrible would not be a wholly accurate description. It was hard to feel too bad when his boyfriend was doting on him, lavishing him with praise, attention and genuine excitement over his NYADA audition success.

After the issues they'd had just a few weeks ago, the overwhelming love and support Blaine was showing him was amazing. The way he managed to put aside his own doubts and fears to be really and truly happy for Kurt was just…_wonderful_. Perfect, even.

Kurt could truthfully say that he was incredibly happy. And yet, part of him still felt terrible.

_Poor Rachel_.

Blaine had insisted on throwing him a two person celebration to congratulate him on nailing his audition. Kurt would have been happy just snuggling up together with a movie, but instead he found himself in his boyfriend's room, which had been decorated, _actually decorated_, as though they were hosting a party.

"I wish we could have a real party with everyone, but I didn't think you'd want to do that, considering," he'd said when Kurt arrived, "but that doesn't mean we can't still celebrate. You were _phenomenal_, Kurt. I know I've told you this already, but watching you up there? I don't think I've _ever_ been more proud of anything than I was of you."

He felt like his heart might explode out of his chest at those words, because if there was anything in the world that meant as much to him as nailing his NYADA audition, it was the knowledge that Blaine was proud of him. Immensely so, and because of something that Kurt had done, rather than just in general because he loved him. Blaine had always supported him, of course, but when he saw the curly haired boy after the audition, there was something so strong and real in those hazel eyes. The pride in them felt like a tangible thing, something Kurt could feel embracing him, rather than just a vague acknowledgement in the back of his mind.

And so there they were, in Blaine's room, fairy lights twinkling from various points on the walls. Music was playing and platters of healthy finger food, things that Blaine had obviously picked just for Kurt, were placed on a small table that wasn't normally there. A bottle of something bubbly – _non-alcoholic because I haven't forgotten your Bambi story_, Blaine had clarified with a grin – was on ice beside a pair of champagne flutes.

The atmosphere had the potential to be seductive, but as always, his boyfriend knew exactly what he needed. Instead of slow, romantic music, the sounds filling the room were upbeat and fun. Rather than soft glowing bulbs, the dark room was brightened by a few lamps and a multitude of colorful lights that blinked randomly, giving the room a real party environment.

They had spent the evening just dancing, chatting, laughing, kissing; all manner of things that made Kurt's heart lift and let him feel happy and light.

They'd talked earlier that day, of course, about Rachel. About NYADA. About how awful Kurt felt and how sad he was for his friend. He'd even cried a little over it, before wiping his tears away and promising Blaine that he would try not to let it put too much of a negative air on his own achievement.

He hadn't realized then that it would be possible to actually let go of his guilt – _you should NOT be feeling guilty _– over what had happened and really have proper fun. But Blaine was Blaine, and he always somehow managed to pull Kurt out of any funk he was in, could always get him to enjoy himself no matter what was going on around them.

_How does he always manage to do that?_

After a particularly enjoyable few minutes when he and Blaine had sung and danced to "You're The One That I Want", he sat on the edge of the bed, leaning into the other boy and enjoying the warmth of a strong arm around his shoulders. They'd just serenaded each other _ridiculously_, complete with silly hip bumping, eyebrow wiggling and jumping around on Blaine's bed. It was enough to relax the tension he felt and let him just have fun.

They were working away at the finger food, Kurt particularly enjoying a juicy strawberry after some small cucumber sandwiches, when he realized that he had been laughing and smiling for most of the night, and none of it had been forced beyond the first few minutes after he arrived.

And a large portion of his happiness was because of the wonderful boy beside him, feeding him his favorite snacks and making him feel like he could take on the whole world.

_Is there anything better than this?_

They shared a few more tasty morsels, Kurt feeling particularly brave and flirty, nibbling at Blaine's fingers as often as he got the chance, blushing when the other boy did the same, laughing when it became more of a joke than anything else. In the end they were gnawing firmly at each other's hands around their laughter, each trying to make each other give up.

It was funny, childish, and absolutely absurd.

And it was exactly what Kurt needed.

* * *

Later, the lights had been turned back on, and the food platters had been put away. A bowl, nearly empty save for a few un-popped corn kernels, sat on the bedside table, and the end credits for one of their fallback-seen-a-million-times Disney movies were on the screen. Kurt couldn't even remember which movie it had been, they hadn't even gotten past the Walt Disney snippet to the opening credits before they had been distracted with feeding each other popcorn and indulging in chaste kisses. Those had quickly been followed by less-chaste kissing, touching, and everything that follows.

After their pre-movie hand biting had extended to include randomly latching teeth onto each other anywhere they could reach – the arm, shoulder, ear, and in one particularly silly moment, Kurt's nose – everything descended into anarchy. Blaine's fingers had brushed over a particularly sensitive patch of skin where Kurt's shirt had ridden up ever so slightly and the taller boy had emitted a particularly high pitched noise that, if he were being honest, was dangerously close to a shriek.

Seeing the mischief light up in Blaine's eyes was a warning to Kurt, and he tried to squirm away but couldn't, which resulted in a tickle war that the taller boy was losing. He refused to admit defeat until – breathless and careless – the boys had managed to knock over their half filled glasses, spilling the contents all over the table and carpet.

Blaine had insisted that this mini-party was all for Kurt, so _no_, Kurt would _not_ be helping him with the mess. Instead, the younger boy told him to pick out a DVD and cleaned everything up by himself. He made short work of putting things away, cleaned up the spill and returned shortly after with some popcorn for them to enjoy during the movie.

Their pure intentions had fallen quickly to the wayside, which surprised Kurt though it probably shouldn't have. By the time the DVD finished the credits and reset to the launch screen, the boys were nuzzled together, sated and smiling. Blaine's right hand was resting on Kurt's lower back while Kurt's fingers danced through Blaine's unruly curls.

He wasn't sure how long they spent just basking in each other. It didn't really matter, anyway. It was a Friday, and since he and Blaine were having a mini-party he wasn't expected home until very late that night, with the acknowledgement that he may not even be home until the next day.

Eventually, the short menu music that had been repeating itself worked its way through their haze of relaxation, slowly becoming more and more of a nuisance. With a put-upon sigh, Blaine shifted over Kurt to grab the remote control, turning off the DVD and television before he settled back onto the bed.

The unfortunate interruption was enough to shift the mood and Kurt sat up to cross his legs, elbows on his knees, and rested his chin on his hands. He smiled lovingly at Blaine, who had rolled onto his back and folded his arms behind his head.

"What do you want to do now?"

"As little as possible," Blaine replied with a smirk.

Kurt scoffed in good humor, glancing around the room for something to entertain them. It was getting late, but he wasn't tired enough to sleep and he didn't really think Blaine was either.

Eyes falling on something unusual, he shifted off the bed. He ignored the disappointed groan and successfully twisted away from the outstretched hand that tried to grab him and stop him from moving.

"Blaine?"

"Yes?"

Kurt picked up the offending object, trying not to laugh when he took in the detail on the front.

"Why do you have a shot glass that says, 'Drink 'til she's pretty'?"

When Blaine didn't reply, Kurt turned around to see that his boyfriend had gotten up off the bed and was moving towards him, mirth dancing in his eyes.

"Puck," Blaine stated, as if that would be explanation enough. And maybe it was.

"Puck?"

Taking the shot glass from his hand, Blaine smiled happily, taking a moment to look at it before he returned it to its place on his bookshelf.

"Puck had a moment of bromance. He gave some of us shot glasses as a bit of a goodbye for the end of his senior year. I think he was trying to be ironic with that one."

"Oh, was he?" Kurt threw back teasingly, "Because thinking back to a certain party, it seems oddly appropriate."

"Are you ever going to let me live that down?" Blaine rolled his eyes good naturedly and pressed a soft kiss to Kurt's forehead.

"Never," Kurt taunted as he slid his arms around the shorter boy's waist and rested his head on his shoulder, "I still can't believe you made out with Rachel."

He tensed at his own words, as the sadness and guilt from earlier flooded back over him. He could feel Blaine wrap him up in a tight hug.

"Hey now, none of that tonight, remember?"

"None of what?"

Blaine shook his head fondly at Kurt's attempt to be nonchalant.

"None of you letting yourself feel guilty about Rachel. It is absolutely not your fault that her audition didn't go as well as yours. Sometimes these things just happen, it's awful, I know, but you can't let it ruin it for you too."

Kurt sighed sadly, burrowing closer to Blaine, feeling warm, loved and reassured. If nothing else, he could always count on this boy to understand him – _and to smell amazing_.

"I know that. I do. I just…I feel so sad for her, and we had all these plans. Now she's talking about not even _going_ to New York. I don't know what to do. And I just feel awful about it."

"And?"

Kurt frowned in confusion, pulling back slightly to look his boyfriend in the eye, "And, what?"

"And you feel _guilty_. Because even though she is unhappy, you can't help but still be glad you did well. You still feel excited that you succeeded. And you feel guilty because you don't feel as bad for her as you feel happy for yourself."

Kurt felt his face flush, his eyes dropping to the floor because sometimes he _hated_ that Blaine knew him so well. He was right, Kurt did feel all those things and _oh God he was a horrible friend and an AWFUL person_.

"Don't be ridiculous. You are a _wonderful_ friend and you are absolutely _not_ an awful person. It's perfectly natural that you are happy after you did so well."

"I didn't even realize I said that out loud," Kurt murmured.

"Even if you hadn't, it was written all over your face."

Kurt felt his mouth curl into a self-deprecating grin, "I'm hopeless, I know."

He watched as his boyfriend shook his head and placed his hands tenderly against Kurt's face, his left hand cupped against the line of his jaw while his right thumb was stroking the soft skin of the taller boy's temple.

"You are not hopeless. You are sweet, kind-hearted, and fabulous. You are the best person I know, and I love you. I love Diva-Kurt. I love Guilty-Kurt. I love Happy-Kurt. I love Bitch-Please-Kurt. And I absolutely love Hip-Circling-Not-The-Boy-Next-Door-Kurt. And so does Rachel. Well, hopefully not in the same way I do," Blaine joked, prompting Kurt to snicker softly, "But she loves you, and she is happy for you, and there is _no way_ she would want what happened to her to destroy your moment. Besides, this is _Rachel Berry_ we are talking about. She will _always_ find a way to accomplish her dreams."

Knowing his boyfriend was right, Kurt pushed his negativity aside. There was nothing he could do, and he _did_ deserve to enjoy himself. Of course, it would be so much better if he and Rachel could both celebrate, but it wouldn't do to dwell.

"How do you always manage to do that? Make me feel better, I mean. How do you always know exactly what to say?"

"Because I know you," the shorter boy answered with a smile. Then with a playful smirk, he added, "Also, I'm awesome."

Kurt didn't even try to stop the sudden laugh that he felt bubble up within him. Instead, he moved in closer to wrap his arms around Blaine once again, loving the way the other boy made him feel lighthearted and happy in any situation. Breathing in his cologne and snuggling deeply into his arms, he closed his eyes and relaxed before he answered.

"You absolutely are."


End file.
